I’m used to people asking to touch my hair because it’s red, and I spike it every few years—after letting it grow down my back, which always creates a refreshing, dramatic change in both my look and body temperature!—and I know it looks like it’s very pokey and pointy. Indeed, that’s how it feels, and is sounds even cooler when you rub your head against something—like crunching boots through snow. Old people used to touch my red hair for “good luck” when I was a kid, and I am told that the looks I gave them could kill.

But I digress.

I’ve never really understood this concept, but I get how it can be very annoying, and even offensive, to black women. Though my unique perspective might be empathetic in nature alone, I remain white and privileged, and it’s not because of my color that people want to reach out and touch my hair—and I’ve definitely never had anyone grab it, as many black women have! I can’t imagine what that must be like.

I’ve never tried to feel someone else’s hair (though I tend to rub my daughter’s hair back in public, especially when I’m nervous or don’t like someone hanging around her) and I don’t understand the urge to do so with a complete stranger. How odd.

The women in this CNN piece explain that it’s a very common occurrence, and they are often approached by people—usually by white women—who think their hair is “neat” and wish to touch it. These are complete strangers asking to touch your hair! How would you react? I’m pretty sure I’d be pissed, as the women who’ve shared their stories here were.

One woman, who told another she couldn’t touch her hair, was reproached with this insane line: “Are you serious? I can’t touch your hair?” Heck no, I would’ve said, and I’m not touching your hair either! What a weird request. I just don’t get it.

The woman had a much better response than the one I thought of, though: “Because my black ancestors may have been your ancestors' property, and had to smile while they got touched in ways they didn't want to, but I am not YOUR property and never will be so you'd best move your hand away from me.” It’s amazing how we privileged white people can just conveniently forget this, while it’s definitely a part of life for black people. Can you imagine something like watching an Ancestry.com commercial and knowing that yours were owned by other people? It’s definitely not the same as, say, tracing your family’s crest, or whatever it is old people like to do these days. I know a few people who are obsessed with such things, whose ancestors definitely kept slaves.

Is this tendency to want to touch black women’s natural hair as some say, a way to possess black women? I’m not sure about that, but I haven’t done any research on it or know anyone who does it to be sure. What I am sure about is that it’s completely rude to try to touch or grab someone, especially someone you don’t know. Don’t you all teach your children that it’s inappropriate, after all? Why would you do it yourself?