MILF vs Cougar
Salon has an interesting article about women reclaiming the term "cougar." Or rather, just plain claiming it, since the term is relatively new and wasn't "ours" to begin with.
The article rightly points out that "cougar" is probably best seen as an empowering term because it revolves around the sexuality of older women. Frankly, just acknowledging that sexuality EXISTS in older women is a huge step for our culture. And unlike a lot of other similar terms, "cougar" does not necessarily imply either wrongdoing (like "gold digger") or ickiness.
An interesting exercise is to compare and contrast the terms "cougar" and "MILF." A cougar is an active term, the image being that of a woman stalking and about to pounce on her "prey." In fact, most of the urbandictionary.com entries specifically reference hunting behavior in their definition of cougar (including the words pounce, stalk, claws, prey).
On the odd side, a cougar is also a variety of cat, and a constellation of related terms has sprung up around this linkage. A "puma" is a cougar in training - a sexually predatory woman in her 20s, rather than her 40s or 50s. A "panther" is an African-American cougar. A "bobcat" is… well, the definitions are confusing and conflicting. But you get the picture.
I guess I'm glad to have the slang world finally start veering away from the canine metaphors, i.e. "bitch." Although I just thought of Shakira's new song "She Wolf" and had to smile. I don't think that's what she was going for, but hey, more power to her, the video is AWESOME. Okay, there are several potential ethical violations embedded in the lyrics, but seriously, that woman is the best.
Err… anyway. The word that comes up again and again in all of these cat-related terms is "claws." Isn't that interesting?
A "MILF" is by definition two things:
1) The other - the target of the male gaze. This is built right into the acronym.
2) A mother - wait, are you saying that all women are NOT mothers? Hey, confusing! But it is true. In fact, many women are not mothers. Even women in their 30s and 40s may not be mothers. I'm not, for one! But this is the kind of subtlety which is utterly lost on the kind of frat boy who slings around the term "MILF."
The term "MILF" also neatly side-steps the issue of her sexuality. We know how YOU feel, frat boy dude who just called that woman a MILF, but how does SHE feel about it? The very crudeness of the acronym implies that the woman it targets is somehow unaware of her sexual appeal (otherwise she'd just be called an "old whore").
Given the alternatives, "cougar" is certainly one of the better terms used in relation to the sexuality of women over 30. If there is anything to complain about, it is that the term is an odd combination of stealth and combativeness. There is no such thing as a willing target of a cougar attack, nor is the target ever aware of what is happening until it's too late. Rawr?
