I don't usually let commercials get my goat.  Yes, they are awful.  Yes, women always do the laundry and men can't figure out how to take cold medicine.  Commercials insult us all.  It's hard to make news out of that.

But even given the sad state of gender relations in commercials, this latest commercial for the Subway Melt is over the top awful.  We all know womens is just after you for your sammiches.  And here Subway is courageous enough to tell the real story. 

The setting is a cubicle farm-style office.  A schlumpy man (Todd) is sitting at his desk, about to enjoy a Subway Melt. 

A beautiful woman (Samantha) walks up and asks if the schlumpy man will be her boyfriend.  When he, dumbstruck with his good fortune, agrees to her proposal, she reaches over the cubicle wall and steals his sandwich.  The schlumpy guy protests weakly.  Samantha overrides his objections with, "I'm your girlfriend, silly!"  She takes his sandwich and leaves.  Todd is sad.

Let's set the timer for 20 seconds, and see how many problems we can rattle off.  The inference that schlumpy guys aren't able to date beautiful women on their own merits.  The predatory woman.  The old trope that girlfriends take all your stuff.  The inability of anyone on television to act like a decent human being.  (I'm willing to be that if the beautiful woman had asked if he would give her half his sandwich, he would have acquiesced.)  The fallacy of the Nice Guy (they finish last, and women constantly take advantage of them).

Phew, I'm exhausted.

And as if realizing the severity of their crime, the producers have overdubbed it with children's voices, like that will help defuse the horror of what is happening.  It's not terrible!  It's little kids!  Aren't they cute?  Little kids?  NO IT JUST MAKES IT WORSE.  Aside from being unsettling, it only reinforces the idea that all of these terrible stereotypes originate on the playground.  That we are all just mindlessly acting out the gender roles we learned in first grade.

Actually that part may be true.  Now I am sad.

I have a couple of suggestions here.  I will address each party separately.

Samantha, you're a beautiful woman, and apparently a successful businesswoman as well.  You can afford to buy your own damn Subway Melts.  It's a sandwich, not a Lexus. 

Haven't you ever heard "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child?  "The shoes on my feet?  I bought it.  The clothes I'm wearing?  I bought it.  The rock I'm rockin'?  I bought it."  Rewrite that song.  Add "The sandwich I'm eating?  I bought it." 

You can do it, Samantha.  You're strong enough, affluent enough, and resourceful enough to buy your own sandwich.  I have faith in you.

Todd, you need to understand that people can only take advantage of you if you let them.  I know it may be part of your narrative that "I was so nice to so-and-so, but they treated me like dirt."  It can feel good to cast yourself as a victim.  Self-righteous.  But that's no way to live. 

Start small: learn to counter-offer.  Next time try saying "No, but I'll give you a bite," or "No, but you can have my chips."  It's your sandwich, you bought it, you deserve to eat it.